what my mother does know will put her 6 feet under
by jess83
Summary: Hey this is just a cracked out fan fic. It's EXTREMELEY funny, not to toot my own horn or anything so WARNING: do not read if u have a weak bladder :D (remember REVIEWS make the world go round)
1. very well and slghtly to the left

Jess: WE DON'T OWN THESE CHARACTERS!!

Nikkia: but…but I want them…

Jess: they belong to cowlip and Showtime, you can't have them

Nikkia: but I want them REALLY bad!!!

Jess: I don't care….. Yes well anyway you know the rules, these characters arent our but the plot/humor do belong to us

Nikkia: so don't be lame and retarded and try to steal them, because we WILL hunt u down and castrate you…

Jess: have a nice day… :D

* * *

Heyy! Jess83 here and my friend Nikkia…we were really bored so we decided to write a really crazy fic…don't mind us…were really cracked out rite now... And this whole story is the drugs talking…but enjoy n e wayz!! 

MUAH! (hugs and kisses from us)

* * *

At the loft 

Brian walks in with Chinese takeout from down the street. Just as he unlocks the

door he is welcomed with the site of Justin in superman tighty whiteys dancing to

Moby. Brian stops, cocks his head, turns around and checks to make sure this is

really his apartment before continuing inside.

"what the fu…" Brian says as he watches this display of manliness before him.

"SH!!! No cursing in front of Gus!!!" Justin says as he walks over to the playpen that

was hidden from Brian's view.

"what the fu…" Brian attempts to say as a teddy bear was thrown at his head making

him drop the moo shu he was holding.

"Why are you dancing in front of my son wearing only superman tighty

whiteys?" Brian says desperately try to make sense of this situation. "and why is my

son even here?"

"Oh, Lindsey and Melanie dropped him off before going to have _alone time" _Justin

says suggestively.

"Oh, and to think that was just what I was planning to have with you."

"Well that's going to have to wait" Justin says.

Brian rolls his eyes and enters the kitchen to save what's left of the moo shu. "Okay

so why, I repeat are u only wearing superman tighty whiteys and why have I never

seen them before? They're kinda hot"

Justin places his hands over Gus's ears and frowns. "I got bored so I was showing

Gus here how to dance and how to appreciate the music genius that is Moby."

Brian frowns and says, "Your turning my son into a pansy"

"Excuse me?" Justin says with a mock hurt expression on his face. "You never

complained about it before."

"Yeah I know I just don't want my son traumatized for life."

"Daddy!!" Gus says finally speaking as if he too was shocked to have Justin dancing

naked in front of him.

"Hey sonny boy," Brian says as he takes him from Justin, "Are you okay? Did he

scare you?" Brian says as he takes his son with him into the kitchen and attempts to

feed him chicken lo mien. Gus gives him a look as if to say 'are you kidding me?'

"Yeah I'm kinda not in the mood to eat anymore either" Brian said as looked over to

Justin, "Do you think we can drop him off at Debbie's?"

"Sure let me just go put on some pants" Justin said

"Yeah that would be helpful when going into a public place" Brian said.

"I don't wear pants at Babylon and that's a public place" Justin said over his shoulder

as he walked towards the bedroom.

" yea… i know… I'm the one who usually takes them off…" Brian replied.

As soon as Justin was fully clothed again, they left to go to Debbie's.

When they got to the porche they realized that they had a problem.

" um…Brian, we don't have a car seat" said Justin.

" don't worry you can just hold him...its not a long ride." Brian replied.

They got to Deb's and hurriedly dropped Gus off, said their goodbyes and ran back to

the car.

The minute they returned to the loft, Justin was once again dancing in his

tighty whiteys. But this time he was dancing on Brian's lap.

"Thank god for Moby" Brian murmured as he felt himself get excited. Just then the

door bell rang. Justin paused what he was doing and attempted to get up but Brian's

iron grip on his hips made him kinda fall back down on his lap. "Um… the doorbell

rang" Justin said.

"Yeah, I know , and?" Brian said.

"um the doorbell was invented to let you know that someone on the other side of the

door needed you for some reason."

"They don't need us as much as I need you right now"

"That sweet" Justin said as the doorbell rang again, whoever was on the other side

had held their finger down on it so that there was this persistent

RINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! Sound that combined with Justin on his lap was slowly

driving Brian insane.

"DAMMIT!!!" Brian yelled. "I'll get the damn door" Brian said as he got up,

ungraciously dropping Justin flat on his ass on the floor. He shuffled to the door with

his pants around his ankles.

"Gee thanks" Justin said as Brian opened the door to none other than Jennifer and

Molly Taylor.

Brian blinked at them and attempted to slam the door in their face when Justin

came up from behind him, "oh, um…hi ……mom….and..um…molusk…"

Brian gave a slightly depressed wave, "Hey Jennifer, hows it hanging?"

"Apparently very well and…." she said as she glanced down "slightly to the left…" she

replied with a smirk.

Brian looked down slightly confused, "What? Oh your right, hmmm Justin can fix that

though"

Jennifer slammed her hands over Molly's ears her cheeks flaming.

"People seem to be covering ears a lot lately, I wonder, is it me?"

"Um, Brian, why don't go, um, get…decent" _while I try to salvage my dignity _Justin

added in his head.

"He looks decent to me." Molly said.

"MOLLY!!!" Justin and Jennifer said in unison.

Brian thanked Molly as he shuffled to the bedroom with his pants still around his

ankles.

"Um…mom….I, yeah…" Justin said as he racked his brain for something to say, "It's

not what it looks like?…."

"Yeah it is!" Brian yelled from the bedroom. "And Justin I told you to put the toys in

the drawer when you were done with them, and wash them off for Christ's sake!"

"Don't say the Lord's name in vain!" Molly yelled

"Don't ring the damn bell when I'm in the middle of fuck…."

"OKAY!!!" Justin yells, cutting Brian off mid sentence.

Jennifer gave Justin the death glare and practically pushed Molly down the hallway,

"I'll come back later." she said her words practically screaming _with a butcher knife _

_to set you straight._

* * *

Well this has been interesting right? Who would've though Brian hung slightly to the left :D lol, Yeah well, we'll be posting regularly so look forward to more and remember review or DIE!!!!! 

Lots of love,

Nikkia& Jess


	2. oh HELL NO!

"Damn," Justin murmurs as he runs his hand through his hair, "I am so  
dead....."

Brian peeked his head out from the bedroom, "Is she gone?" he whispered.

"Yeah" Justin said with a smile on his face, "But you know she's gonna  
castrate you, right?"

Brian winces and cups his balls. Brian walked into the kitchen to go heat up  
the cold Chinese food, "Your mother

staring at my sack kinda... turned me off...." He said with a forlorn look  
on his face, "That's just too weird."

"Okay for the sake of my sanity, never repeat that my mother looked at your  
sack...." Justin said.

"You hungry?" Brian said as he held out the beat up box of moo shu towards  
Justin.

"No thank you, I kinda lost my appetite at your last comment." Justin said  
as he went into the bedroom to try and

scrub the image of his mom staring at Brian out of his brain....

* * *

next day… 

Justin walked through the blistering cold winds back to the loft after his  
last class. He walked up the stairs to the

apartment building to find a small dog curled up at the door. Justin looked  
both ways expecting it's owner to

appear out of nowhere. When he saw no one he bent down and tentatively  
petted the dog, "Hey, there...little

fella..." the dog just looked at him.

"Hey it's pretty cold out here, where's your owner?" When the dog didn't say  
anything, Justin frowned, stood up

and unlocked the door and went up to the loft.

After a nice hot shower and a change of clothes, he rummaged through the  
kitchen for something to eat. Finding

nothing but the still half eaten beaten up box of moo shu his stomach  
churned.

There was absolutely nothing to cook either, so Justin put on his coat and went

out into the cold.

After shopping at the supermarket and spending a ridiculous amount of money

on grocery's with Brian's credit

card, he returned to the loft to find the dog still on the stairs shaking

from the cold. He got that little warm fuzzy

feeling in the pit of his stomach and couldn't help but bring the dog

upstairs into the loft, Brian would

understand…he hoped.

* * *

Brian parked the Porsche and unlocked the door to the apartment building and  
made his way up to the loft. It had 

been a long day and all he wanted was a good meal ( Justin's ass) and a  
warm shower (with Justin). He took the

stairs two at a time and went into the loft.

"Something smells good" Brian said as he walked into the kitchen to find  
Justin wearing an apron that said 'kiss the

cook' "Don't mind if I do" Brian said as he laid a big wet one on Justin's  
startled mouth.

Justin laughed and told him to get changed because dinner will be ready in  
ten.

Brian went into the bedroom leaving his stuff on the floor and taking off  
his clothes as he headed towards the

bathroom. Suddenly a very nasty smell hit him, "What the..." SQUISH.

Brian froze as his foot landed in something squishy and kinda clumpy. He  
looked down to see the biggest,

smelliest piece of crap right between his toes. "Oh hell no..." Brian said as he  
lifted his feet, "JUSTIN!!!!!!!"

* * *

Justin ran from the kitchen as he heard Brian scream his name, not that  
Brian screaming his name wasn't 

something he wasn't used to

He entered the room to find a very angry looking Brian half naked standing  
in dog

shit....

"Um, Brian...I can explain....." Justin said as he came closer to Brian who  
had a shit covered foot up as he hopped

along towards the bathroom on the other.

"Yes, please do explain why you kinda missed the toilet by a couple of  
feet."

Justin felt his cheeks heat up, "That wasn't me..." Justin said trying to  
figure out the best way to explain why he

had housed a stray dog.

"Oh, well I'll alert the authorities to a wild man that goes into people's  
apartments and takes giant dumps on their

floors...."Brian said as he grabbed a washcloth and turned on the shower.

"No...I kinda...well...you see....there was this...dog...and ...he was  
cold..." Justin looked up to see Brian looking

at him as if he was retarded.

"And I felt kinda bad for him.....so I brought him in ....and you  
know,...feed him...he's asleep now" Justin finished.

"Wait" Brian said as he held up his hand, "I need to get this shit off my  
foot- no pun intended- and then you can

explain this to me. Just please go clean up the crap -still no pun intended-  
before I get out, and maybe I'll think

about taking you seriously."

After taking a nice long shower, Brian was feeling slightly more rational

since there was no longer shit embedded between his toes. If Justin

hadn't run into the room so fast and looked so concerned, Brian would've

given him a nice spanking... well actually that's not such a bad idea, Brian  
thought...hmmmm

He went in the kitchen to see dinner set out and Justin giving him a big  
smile. There is going to be some major

ass kissing tonight Brian thought, literally

"So where's the mutt?" Brian said as he took a seat and started eating.  
Justin sat across from him, "he's around

here somewhere." he said.

As if to make his presence known the dog buried his head in Brian's lap,  
making Brian jump. "Hey get your face out

of my crotch!" Brian yelled and the dog slunk away throwing sad looks at  
Brian.

* * *

"are you sure that thing is a dog? It looks more like a rat to me…." Said Brian.

" yes Brian… I'm sure it's a dog. I looked it up online… it's a Teacup Maltese."

" what the fuck is that?"

" I know.. I've never heard of it either…"

" that… thing… is not a dog…a German Shepard…that's a dog… that's just a rat

with more hair."

" aww Brian!" said Justin ," you're gonna hurt Brian jr. feelings…."

" Brian jr.???" said Brian ," no way in hell are you naming that…thing after me…"

* * *

later that night… 

"mmm…Justin…yea…keep rubbing…mmm yea…right there…"

" Brian…BRIAN!," said Justin," that's not me"

Brian opened his eyes and saw that Justin was sitting beside him in the bed…

And he was laughing….

" well if its not you then…OH HELL NO!!!!" he yelled…

he looked down to see…what he still hesitated to call a dog…humping his upper thigh.

" MOTHER FUCKER! GET THIS FUCKING THING OFF ME!" he yelled as he

tried to pry the dog off his leg.

" DAMMIT JUSTIN! HELP ME!"

But all Justin did was sit where he was and say…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Brian leapt out of bed and started jumping up and down…

trying to shake the dog loose.

When he finally did…he ran practically screaming into the bathroom.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! EW EW EW EW EW !!!!!!!" he said.

He was about to jump into the shower when he heard a loud thud.

He went into the bedroom to see Justin had fallen on the floor and was now

rolling around laughing at him.

"OH GOD! OH GOD! I CANT BREATHE," he said between laughing fits.

Brian ran back to the shower and jumped in, fully clothed.

He was scrubbing at his leg when Justin walked in.

"damn…that Brian jr. is a horney little bastard…just like his namesake…" he said

" shut the fuck up" Brian said as he tried to wash off the foul stench of doggie

lovin.

It was three hours later when Brian finally emerged from the bathroom only to find

Justin and that same horney little bastard curled up on the bed…

sound asleep.


End file.
